i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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