dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I faked an abortion last night.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
