I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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