yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
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i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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