You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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