Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
