Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
