I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
