there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
