If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
