my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
