sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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