I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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