That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
