So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
