he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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