At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
