I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
