Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
