I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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