Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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