You're completely useless in the revolution.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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