Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
