I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
