At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
