bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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