member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
