i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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