see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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