SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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