I wish my penis had an off switch
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Even my vagina gasped.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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