I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
