found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
