The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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