He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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