no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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