R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He shit in the fireplace
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
