i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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