Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
