vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
