Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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