u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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