Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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