Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
