Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
