found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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