when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
