I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
