If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I deserve this hangover.
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