ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
