Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
