My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My life is pants optional.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
