It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
