I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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