omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
