I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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