Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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