So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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