u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This baby is an asshole
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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