the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
and she was petting her beer can
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
