Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
