I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
