I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
