Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Best friends brother. Beat that.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
