My girlfriend figured out who you are.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
