I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
