Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's never too late to be topless.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
