make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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