you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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