i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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