This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
