dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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