I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
