Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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