ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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